Marriages have been made throughout history for a number of reasons, the most romantic among them being love. Arranged marriages are made in order to strengthen the ties–both financial and otherwise–between two families in order to ensure a better future is made for each. We often hear that those are the most successful, but you know what? Who decided that, and what metric were they using to define success?
Arranged marriages also don’t apply to most people who live in developed nations. Why continue to discuss them as if they’ll show us the way to happiness?
Most of us fall into the first category. We marry a significant other not for financial gain or wellbeing, but because we are in love. We want to build something of a different nature: a family. But it doesn’t always work out the way we want, the way we dream, or the way we hope. That’s because everyone is different, and everyone changes over time.
That’s why you should be okay with divorce. The healthiest course is to both accept and adapt to change. To move on. To look forward to the future.
It’s no secret that marriages rarely work. There is no “ideal” marriage. Half of all marriages end in divorce, and even among those that “work” the rate of cheating on a partner remains sickeningly high. So here’s the question: why are we so obsessed with making it work if we can just go our separate ways and find happiness somewhere else?
Well, part of it is history. Americans in general have a puritan background, and the beliefs and values that were passed down to us for hundreds of years still endure, even if the practices on which those values were placed have changed.
People grow apart. They discover they have different dreams. They want different things. They view the world in a way far different than they once did. They grow tired of the same stale conversations at the end of the day, and they wish it were different.
What’s the harm in any of that?
There’s no logic to staying together with someone if the relationship has turned into a toxic mess. It’s bad for you both, and it’s bad for any children involved. You can’t hide marital problems. Give therapy a try if you both agree that bridging your differences is the best course of action, but if it doesn’t work, don’t fight the future. Get a divorce, and move on.