In many cases, getting a divorce is the last resort. But is it really?
Sure, there are some of us who believe we split up years after we should have, because we wanted to believe we gave the marriage every chance to be successful. Whether you do it for the children or just for yourself (you don’t want to absorb a failed marriage that your parents went through, and you were determined not to be them, right?), you claim that you did everything but you reached a crossroads to determine the path of most happiness for you and your family.
While you think divorce may be your only option left at securing a path to happiness, therapists and marriage counselors would want to ensure that you have asked some specific questions and you have a solid answer to them. But these are questions that must be asked yet are not asked all that often because they’re not thought of by those in the relationship.
Here is a sampling of the questions you should be asking yourself before you decide to hire a divorce attorney.
- Have you made your concerns clearly known? Do you understand your roles in the relationship?
These types of questions are about one of the most important aspects to a successful relationship: Communication. These are the kinds of issues about which you can’t dance around or be vague. If you are a couple that has consistent misunderstandings or you have problems because one or the other doesn’t feel he or she is hearing or understood, that lack of compatibility hurts. Talk about what you’ve expected and what has or has not met those expectations. Be clear and direct so there are no misunderstandings or ulterior motives to what you both say.
- If you could do one thing to save the relationship, what would you do? And would it be worth it?
These questions are related in this way – measuring the pros and cons of your relationship, not just thinking that you would be happier away from your spouse. Take a good hard look. The first question is something both spouses should do – write (or type) things that you and your spouse should or could do to make the relationship work better. The second one is to look hard at what you have in the relationship currently, and measure it against what you think you need or would get somewhere else. Is what you’d be leaving actually better in the long run than what you’re missing? Think the kids, companionship, sharing of chores/roles, etc.
There are 11 provocative questions available online that you can ask yourself before getting a divorce. And its’ recommended that you answer each one with something other than “I don’t know.” Those answers will help you determine if divorce is indeed the best way forward. If you decide to file for a divorce, please contact one of our experienced divorce attorneys.